So how do you cope if you work for a boss who is a bully? Pointing fingers or getting upset is not going to help. Bully bosses try to intimidate their subordinates by making them believe that they would lose these basic needs if they don’t pay heed to what they say.Īlthough it is not possible to correct such behaviour, it is important that we do not let ourselves be intimidated by such behaviour. In most cases, the boss is aware that he controls some of your most basic needs, that is, food, clothing and shelter. Bully bosses tend to treat their subordinates like school children, monitoring and controlling every move of theirs.
GAME OVER DEALING WITH BULLIES VIDEOS PROFESSIONAL
Most of us, at one time or another in our professional lives, have come across a boss who is a bully.
The old way of autocratic management had its share of workplace bullies, and though they may have resented this style of management, they may wind up emulating them.įurther, bullies may have experienced in their earlier lives aggressive, abusive parents, and they tend to act out this behaviour in the workplace. They erroneously feel that the way to get things done is to dominate, intimidate, or manipulate. Some bosses have never learned the leadership competency of coaching involving constructive, two-way communication. The way a leader succeeds is when the team succeeds. They don’t understand that true leadership means that you bring out the best in others, that you help others succeed. They have a need to make themselves feel better by putting others down and by having control of them. What Causes People To Become Bullies (Especially Bully Bosses)?ĭr Bev Smallwood, a leading psychologist, speaker, and author of the book, ‘ This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen to Me: Ten Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World,’ notes some of the factors responsible for the creation of a bully 1.
If this fails, the bully then lapses into a state of dejection. If this does not work, he panics and resorts to threats. This gives him a false sense of calmness a fallacy of being in control of the situation.Īnd what happens when the bully fails in his efforts to control the opposite person? Well, typically first the bully will get angry and try to intimidate his opponent. He feels impotent and helpless when questioned, and fights this sense of insecurity by trying to control others. They mask their nervousness with the façade of appearing to be in control of every situation.Ī bully is basically insecure. Bullies tend to be critical of themselves, their partner, their friends, their subordinates, and their colleagues.Īt work, they fear failure, and in a personal relationship, they feel that their personal needs will not be met if they do not control their spouse or partner. He may seem confident and poised and in control of himself and his surroundings, but deep down a bully suffers from anxiety, insecurity, fear, and anger. Unusual as it may sound, the question got me thinking, “Can I make discern, just by looking at someone, if s/he is a bully?” Outwardly a bully looks just like you and me.
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When I told a friend of mine, that I was doing a write-up on how to cope with a bully, she asked me ”How do bullies look, do they look any different?” Take responsibility for your own happiness What Causes People To Become Bullies (Especially Bully Bosses)?.The focus of this article is limited to suggestions on how to deal with a difficult boss and a difficult spouse. The bullying personality can be seen in various prototypes – as a friend, as a colleague, as a sibling, as a boss or as a partner. The problem occurs when we wish to control someone else’s life, be it a sibling, a subordinate, a friend, a relative, a family member or even a spouse.Ī bully is one who is obsessed with the need to control others and they come in many shapes and sizes. They even get distraught and rebellious if anyone opposes them.Įveryone wants to be in charge of their own lives. They are overbearing and obtrusive and insist that if something needs to be done, it needs to be done “their” way, or, not at all. Basically, they seem to want to control all your actions. Here’s how to recognise a bully and deal with people who try to control and dominate you.Īll of us have, at some point or the other, have come across certain people who always seem to be telling us what to do, when to do it, how to do it, or why we should (or not) be doing it. Bullies are obsessed with the need to control others.